Bagpipers Changing a lightbulb

Q: How many bagpipers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to handle the bulb, the other four to tell him how much better they could have done it.

The Cellist

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

Large Violas

Q: Why are violas so large?
A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, just that the viola player's heads are so small.