Gift for Valentine's Day

A couple had been looking at new cars for months. He wanted a simple truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zoom through traffic and look like a princess. He would have settled for almost any old truck, but everything she wanted was way out of price range. "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 220 in 5 seconds or less. Valentine's Day is coming up and you should surprise me with something really really great this year!" Soon Valentines Day arrived and she un-wrapped her brand new bathroom scale.

MAFIA Valetine Card Verses

• My love for you... it came and went.
• So your feet are now in wet cement.
• I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes, Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
• Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
• I picked up this card from a slim selection, But that's all they offer here in witness protection.
• Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
• Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
• Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
• The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look, You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
• Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
• Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
• Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.
• When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!

Pen Love

Q: When 2 Pens fall in love, what do you call them?
A: PEN PALS