Top 10 Valentine Card Rejects

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store in hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished but now I'm fulfilled SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass our love has grown but so has your ass.
3. You're a honey and you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny so, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Knock Knock - Kiss

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jimmy
Jimmy who?
Jimmy a little kiss!

Valentine Breakfast

The old couple were celebrating Valentine's day after 50 years of marriage. They were sitting at the breakfast table when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting there naked as a jaybird, too!" "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."  Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"