Long, Black and Smelly

Q: What is long, black, and smelly?
A:  The unemployment line.

Mommy Dearest!

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3 year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.  Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.  When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.  I said, "What's wrong honey?"  Sad and broken up she looked at me and said, "Mommy, where's my booger?"

Scholarly Discussion

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"