English Lesson

The teacher of the fourth grade class was giving an English lesson: "All right class, I want everyone to write a sentence which starts with a question and ends with an answer and has the words possible and definite in it!" All at once, young Johnny's hand shot up. "Miss! Miss!" called Johnny. "Write it down, Johnny!" said the teacher. "... But Miss! Miss! Miss!" Johnny intoned. "I said write it down!" exclaimed the teacher who was now quite peeved. "Miss! Miss!" called Johnny once more. "Okay, Johnny. I give up. What is it?" "Is it possible that farts have lumps in them?" "No!" said the startled teacher. "Then I have definitely shit myself!"

Found Her Hearing Aid

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:
D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: ??EH??
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! --A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid!

Tissue Dance

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it!