You Want Ketchup With That

A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horse shit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" He Salesman says, "why do you ask?" She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

German Windbreaker

Q: What do you call "fart" in German?
A: Farfrompoopin!

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I threw up while reading the paper
You've probably heard, it's all over the news