Poop Definitions

Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.
Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done.
Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Poop: Self-explanatory.
Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell.
The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake will do it.

Happy Birthday

Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"
His lover lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."
So his lover lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."
Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

Looks Like Plastic, Feels Like Rubber

An attorney went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "but it feels like rubber. "Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The attorney responded, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"