Jury Duty

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.

Insulting In Church

How to be insulting in church: Sing out of tune in all the hymns and try singing half a line behind everyone else.

Beat Them

Some people say, "If you can't beat them, join them." I say, "If you can't beat them, beat them," because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.