World's Worst Pick-up Lines

• I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
• Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
• Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
• Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
• I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
• I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
• My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.
• Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
• I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
• If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
• Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
• Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.
• Excuse me, do you have your phone number? I've seem to have lost mine.
• I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
• If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?
• I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
• You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
• Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
• I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into that cheap motel room.
• The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
• Guy: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Censorship

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." -- General William Westmoreland

What Did The Turkey Do

A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, "If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says, "I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"