You Might Be A Redneck - Continued

You might be a reneck if...

• You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.
• Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day telling everyone you've met your future wife.
• When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.
• Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
• Your favorite fruit is chicken.
• You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the kids in the area are not too bright.
• At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.
• You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.
• You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

No Debt

I need everyone to wish me luck today. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt by this afternoon!  I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask...

Hostile Happy Hour

Q: What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
A: He got bombed.