Dahmer to Bobbit

Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
A: Are you gonna eat that?

Chores

My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment. I said, "No, just do the floor."

ProTip: Hiking

Carry binoculars when hiking so when you make frequent stops, it looks like you're appreciating nature not fighting for air.