Top Chef

An Admiral visited one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit. He went to the Culinary Specialist to ask how this feat was done, and how to replicate it on other ships under his command. The CS replied, "I'd be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia." Horrified, the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"
The CS shrugged and replied, "Well, if that's the way you feel, Sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."

Back Talk

Mother: "Are you talking back to me?!"
Son: "Well yeah, that's kinda how communication works."

Rattlesnake Vs Flaccid

Q: What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
A: You can't fuck with either one.