More Wonderments!

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids?"
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkey's and apes?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a "s" in it?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Take A Year Off

Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood.... and good thing he didn't say two!

Things in Life I've Learned

• I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
• I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
• I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
• I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.
• I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
• I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
• I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
• I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
• I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.