Vikings And Opossums

Q: What do the Vikings and opossums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

When There's A Will

"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"

Abbot Costello Cyber Routine

Costello:  Hey, Abbot!
Abbot:  Yes, Lou?
Costello:  I just got my first computer.
Abbot:  That's great Lou. What did you get?
Costello:  A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot:  That's terrific, Lou.
Costello:  But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot:  You will in time.
Costello:  That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot:  Oh?
Costello:  I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot:  Well, I don't know-
Costello:  Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbot:  Really?
Costello:  Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot:  O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
Costello:  I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot:  That's true.
Costello:  So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot:  Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
Costello:  No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot:  I know, you press the Start button-
Costello:  Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot:  I did.
Costello:  When?
Abbot:  When I told you to press the Start button.
Costello:  Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot:  To shut off the computer.
Costello:  I press Start to stop.
Abbot:  Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
Costello:  I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbot:  Start
Costello:  Start what?
Abbot:  Start button.
Costello:  Start button to do what?
Abbot:  Shut down.
Costello:  You don't have to get rude!
Abbot:  No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
Costello:  Then say what you mean.
Abbot:  To shut down the computer, press-
Costello:  Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot:  Then what do you want me to say?
Costello:  Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot:  But that's what you do.
Costello:  And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot:  Don't be ridiculous.
Costello:  I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbot:  What are you talking about?
Costello:  I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.