Midget Psychic

Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large.

102 Years Old

Journalist: "So Frank, congratulations on turning 102, we're writing a story about your everyday life. What is the first thing you do in the morning?"
Frank: "I take a piss.....oooh I piss so much!"
Journalist: "Okay Frank, but I can't write that in the paper, what's the second thing you do in the morning?"
Frank: "I shit, oh boy do I shit!"
Journalist: "Frank, come on, I can't write that in the paper either, what's the third thing you do in the morning?"
Frank: "I get up..!"  Journalist: "Thank you"

North and South Fairytales

Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."