No Walmart

Q: Why aren't there any Walmart's in Afghanistan?
A: Because there are too many Targets.

911 Advice

Q: What did the 911 operator say to the caller dangling from window ledge?
A: She told him to please hold.

I'm a Professional

I won't laugh, said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over 15 years of working here, I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay, then," Said Randy, and he proceeded to drop his pants revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to suppress a laugh, but it just came out. Feeling very bad at laughing at the mans part she composed herself as best she could. "I'm very sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor, as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"Its swollen," Randy replied.
She ran out of the room.