Old Lady's Panties

Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."

California

Q: How is California like a granola bar?
A: They both contain fruits, nuts and flakes.

Married Men Gain Weight

Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?
A: The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.