Jokes about Families - Mother Jokes

Different Balls

A young couple had identical twin sons and nearly everyone had a heck of a time telling them apart. An aunt asked the mom if she had any problems distinguishing the two lads, and the mother replied, "No, I can tell them apart by their balls. One bawls all night, the other bawls all day!"

Categories: Jokes about Families (Son Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Word Play Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

New Words

A boy from France comes to America, he wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off." Then he learns "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says, ''Mommy, I learned new words today.'' She says, "Great, honey what did you learn?" He says, ''Takeoffzebrababy!''

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Son Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Word Play Jokes
Anonymous

What my Mom taught me.

Things My Mom Taught Me ...
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
RELIGION -"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
TIME TRAVEL:"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
LOGIC:"Because I said so, that's why."
FORESIGHT -"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
IRONY -"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out."
OSMOSIS -"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
CONTORTIONISM -"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
STAMINA -"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
WEATHER -"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
PHYSICS PROBLEMS -"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
HYPOCRISY -"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -Stop acting like your father!"
ENVY -"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Categories: Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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