Life

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.   ...Clarence Darrow

Family Breakfast

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where their mother was cooking. "What do you want for breakfast?" asked the mother. "Shit, I want some fucking pancakes," said the first brother. The mother slapped him across the face. "We don''t talk like that in this house. Now, how about you, son? I hope you've learned a lesson from your brother. What do you want for breakfast?" "I''ve sure learned my lesson! You can bet your ass I don't want any fucking pancakes!"

Scrotum

A daughter asked her mother, "Mom, how do you spell 'scrotum'?" Her mom replied, "Honey, you should have asked me last night, it was on the tip of my tongue.”