Soothing Talk

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart that contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert." The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

Nymphomaniac?

"Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?"
"Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!"

Disposition To Have Children

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary. Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.