Name Change

When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted. 
Now the police call that Identity theft.

Cow Gives Birth

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 11-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great... he's 11 and now I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one Dad," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. Just as the father is preparing his birds and bees story, his son asks  - "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

Church Whisper

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, It's not appropriate to say the word pee in church. So, from now on whenever you have to pee just tell me that you have to 'whisper." The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear."