Ethnic / Country Jokes - Irish Jokes

He Didn't Make It

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast. Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. "Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior officer. "I know where he lives," he replied, "and he wouldn't have made it."

Categories: Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Police Jokes)
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Anonymous

English, Irish, and Scottish Wives

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?" The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says, "All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked." The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. "Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank." The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms. "Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man."

Categories: Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
Anonymous

Paddy's Hand

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
''What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little sh!t, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you. He must have had something in his hand.''
"That he did," says Paddy, "A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.''
” Well," says Sean, "You should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
''That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but absolutely useless in a fight."

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Bar Jokes
Anonymous
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