Paddy and Shaun

It's Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Paddy to look at it. "Well, Paddy, What do you think?"  "Sorry, Shaun, this tree won't do. Let's try another one."  They come upon another nice tree, Shaun brushes it off, and they both look at it.  "How about this one, Paddy?"  "Not quite, Shaun. Let's keep looking." This goes on until nightfall.  Both Paddy and Shaun are cold, tired, and hungry. "Well, Paddy, what do we do now?"  "Shaun, I think we should take home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not...!"

Two Irishmen

Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captains voice came over the loudspeaker.  "Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There's nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick." Five minutes later he said, "Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late." A moment later, "Er...sorry about this ladies and gentlemen,  but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected." One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we'll be here all night ?"