Two Irish Men in A bar

There were two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.
Guy 1: Yah.. I'm originally from Dublin, Ireland
Guy 2: Really?! Me too!
Guy 1: I went to O'Malley high school.
Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?
Guy 1: 1988!
Guy 2: Same here!
A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didn't know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew each other. The bar tender replied,  " Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again."

Irishman Suicide

Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by  swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he began to feel better.

Irish Heaven

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the grass, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again, the answer was "NO!"
"If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?" Again, they all answered, "NO!"
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A little boy shouted out, "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD."