Robbing a Scotsman

A robber sticks his gun in a Scotsman's ribs and demands, "Your money or your life!"  When after a moment there is no answer, he repeats his demand, "Your money or your life!" to which the Scotsman replies, "I'm thinking it over!"

Shamus's Obituary

Shamus opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. Furious, he quickly phoned his best friend Finnegan.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Shamus. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finnegan, "...where ya callin' from?"

WWII Spies

Three spies are arrested during WWII. One spy is French, one is Polish and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the Polish spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing him. 4 hours go by and the Italian spy isn't talking then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell. The Polish and French spies are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, "I wanted to, but I couldn't move my hands!"