My Girl's Birthday

Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the Jewelry Store. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and vhen I asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her birthday, Lena said, 'Oh, I dun know, dear, yust give me something with vots of diamonds.' "So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of cards."

Top Ten Television Shows in Iraq

1. "Husseinfeld"
2. "Mad About Everything"
3. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
4. "Suddenly Sanctions"
5. "Allah McBeal"
6. Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
7. "Achmed's Creek"
8. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
9. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
10. "Just Shoot Me"

Martin Asshole

An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked "Can I help you sir?" Our man said "Yes, I would like to change my name." "What is your current name?" asked the clerk. "Martin Asshole," replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said "I can see why you want a change. What would you like your new name to be?" "Tim."