Mexican at the Border

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, He pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA!  Please!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself,  "I'm going to make it hard for him"  and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

Better Training

An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines. The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. " In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak". The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, " In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands ...! "

German Clock Maker

Q: What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,tick'?
A: 'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'