Indian Home

I was buying a house from a Native American.
I asked him if it came with running water.
He said, "Get your own damn wife."

The Irishman's Missing Dog

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says, "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"  So he does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.

Mummy Reservation

A mummy calls a restaurant. Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Hotepsekhemwy. Could you spell it out, please?
Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.