New Rules!

Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate. If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company. Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our, Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

Poor Froggy

A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string. He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam. "Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy. "Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam. The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand. "One lady coming up," says the madam. "And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy. "Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean." The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam. "One dirty girl, coming up," she says. The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?" The little boy looks the madam straight in the eye and says, "It's like this lady... When I get home the babysitter's going to be there and I'm gonna fuck her and SHE'S going to get the herpes. Then when my mom and dad come home, my dad's going to take the babysitter home and fuck her and HE'S going to get the herpes. Then when my dad gets home, he's going to fuck my mom and SHE'S going to get the herpes. Then about 10 o'clock tomorrow morning, the mailman's going to show up at my house and fuck my mom and HE'S THE ONE THAT KILLED MY FUCKING FROG!"

Gynecologist Patient Comprehension Exam

This chick walks into a doctor's office. The nurse tells her to take off her clothes, and that the doctor will be with her in a minute. She obeys.
The doctor walks in and takes off his coat. He begins to feel between her thighs.
Doctor: "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
Woman: "You're checking for menopause."
Doctor: "Very good."
Then, he starts to feel her tits.
Doctor: "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
Woman: "Checking for breast cancer."
Doctor: "Very good."

Then, he jumps on her and penetrates her.
Doctor: "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
Woman: "Contracting genital herpes. That's why I came to see you!"