HIV

I'll say one thing for HIV patients, they're always positive.

Best Friend

A guy is talking to his best friend. He tells him, "I haven't  made love with her for a month.  She's carrying a strange virus that can leave me deaf if I have any sort of sexual intercourse with her."
The friend replied, "Talk louder man, I can't hear a thing you're saying."

A Man is Diagnosed with HAGS

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."  "What is HAGS," the man asks. "It's Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis" says the doctor.  "Oh my God!" says the man, "what are you going to do!?!"  "We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."  "Is that going to help me?" asks the man. "No," says the doctor, "but it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door!"