A Little Old Man

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket please?" The assistant asked "Pardon sir?"."Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. "Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied. The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop. In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked  "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier looked very puzzled and asked  "Pardon?". The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier replied  "Oh you mean a clock! yes certainly sir." So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked "Can I have a bum please?" The assistant said  "Sorry sir what did you say?". So he repeated himself  "Can I have a bum please?". The assistant said  "Oh right, you mean a bun!". The old man said  "Yes that's what I said in the first place." So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop. As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to him and asked  "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?" The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out."

Wide Awake

Not sure if my narcolepsy has been cured or if I'm suffering from insomnia.

Waiting for Surgery

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theater door to go in and check whether everything is ready.  A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations. When the third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"  The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."