Schizophrenia

Q:  What is the best thing about schizophrenia?
A:  You're never alone!

Good News?

A doctor tells his patient, "I've got some good news and I've got some bad news for you." So, the patient asks, "What's the good news, Doc?" And the doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you!"

Colored Penis

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red." Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40." The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell. His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?" So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you...you've got to help me. My penis is blue." Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400." "FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS?" Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40." "Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"