A Dose of HMO's Own Medicine

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."
St. Peter: "That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?"
Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
St. Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country."
St. Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!"

Going to the Doctors

There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to have to run a few more tests," the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample." After she hung up, the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "Oh the doctor is going to need a pair of your underwear."

Diabetes Distress

My grandpa lost a foot to diabetes. Now he's 4' 3"