Hydrophobia

Embarrassed to tell anyone about my crocodile being afraid of water. I mean, who do you talk to when you have a reptile dysfunction.

Why Divorce Now?

After 40 years of marriage, Jimmy decides to leave Katherine. She starts crying and then asks, "How can you do this, Jimmy? How can you just walk out? The first year we were together, you caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed and nursed you back to health? Me! And when you lost half your family in the terrible car crash, who kept you going and kept your spirits up? Me! And when our kids grew up and ran away from home, who sat with you can comforted you? Me! And when you lost everything last year in the fire at the store, who stayed at your side the whole time? Me! How could you leave me, Jimmy? You've been through everything with me." Jimmy replies, "That's just the problem, Katherine! You're just fucking bad luck!"

Misinterpreted

As a diabetes educator, a number of my clients truly do not understand that when I tell them two alcoholic drinks per day, it does not mean they can save them all and have 14 on Saturday night.