The Doctor Backs Away

Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?

Penis Treatment Options

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got a problem with his "jimmy." One guy gets called in to see the doctor and comes back out five minutes later. The guy in the waiting room says, "Well, what'd he say?" The first guy tells him that the doctor said to just take a shower and the ring around his unit will come right off. So the next guy goes in thinking, "Great -- just take a shower." But instead the doctor tells him that they are going to have to operate. "Why?" he asks, "The other guy just had to take a shower." The doctor says, "Well, there's a big difference between lipstick and gangrene."

A Dose of HMO's Own Medicine

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."
St. Peter: "That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?"
Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
St. Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country."
St. Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!"