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Disease / Afflictions Jokes - Going to Die Jokes
A Man Reached the Age of 105
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
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Terrible Doctor Check Up
A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man, "I have some bad news, you only have about two weeks left to live." The man is shocked. He asks the doctor, "Is there is any thing that you can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?" The doctor thinks for a moment. "There is one thing that you could do." "Just name it, I'll do whatever it is." He tells the man to take a lot of mud baths, two or three a day. The man looks at his doctor asks, "Will that help my condition?" The doctor says, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."
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Used Brain
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it's the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$100,000 for a male brain, and $1000 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask: "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group: "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
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