Blonde Medical Terminology

ARTERY--The study of fine paintings.
BARIUM--What you do when CPR fails.
BENIGN--What you are after you be 8.
CAESAREAN SECTION--A district in Rome.
COLIC--A sheep dog.
COMA--A punctuation mark.
CONGENITAL--Friendly.
DILATE--To live longer.
FESTER--Quicker.
G.I. SERIES--Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
GRIPPE--A suitcase.
HANGNAIL--A coat hook.
MEDICAL STAFF--A Doctor's cane.
MINOR OPERATION--Coal digging.
MORBID--A higher offer.
NODE--Was aware of.
ORGANIC--Church musician.
OUTPATIENT--A person who has fainted.
POST-OPERATIVE--A letter carrier.
PROTEIN--In favor of young people.
SECRETION--Hiding anything.
SEROLOGY--Study of English knighthood.
TABLET--A small table.
TUMOR--An extra pair.
URINE--Opposite of you're out.
VARICOSE VEINS--Veins which are very close together.

Horrible Christmas Gift

Q: What did the deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

Charlie and Taylor

Q: What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?
A: Bad blood.