Costume Party

A self-conscious bald man with a peg leg is invited to a costume party. The shop owner at the costume shop shows him a lifeguard costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my peg leg." Next, the shop owner brings out a monk costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my bald head." The annoyed shop owner returns with a five-pound bag of caramels and says, "Take these home, melt them, pour them all on your head, stick that peg leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple."

Med Student

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.” The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”
“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”

One Life Saved

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly... "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"