SMS Glitch

A man from Illinois left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick text message. Unfortunately there was a glitch in the SMS messaging system and his text message was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow read the text message, she let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw the message on her phone: "Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. PS. Sure is hot down here."

Cramming

"Why do you keep reading the Bible everyday?" the teenage girl asked her grandfather. "Well, it's a bit like cramming for your final exam," said Grandpa.

A Young Soldiers First Jump

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure  "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up." The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet that goddamn truck won't be there either!"