Bagpiper vs. Country Singer

Q: What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A: The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.

Bleeding with Two Legs

Q: What has two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog.

Wife Down

I woke up this morning at 9:00 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!  I panicked.  I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered, McDonalds serves breakfast all day.