What's that sound?

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commemorative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

Onion Vs Hooker

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
A: You won't cry when you're cutting up the hooker.

Twins

Headline in today's newspaper:  "Suicidal Twin kills sister by mistake"!