Cliffhanger

Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply. "Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are broke." Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"

Aid At An Accident

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."

Push Him Aside

Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.
Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.