She Knows

“My girlfriend’s weird. One day she asked me, “If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?” I said, “No.” She said, “Okay, forget it.”

And Then Some

When her late husband’s will is read out, a widow learns he’s left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushes to change the inscription on her spouse’s tombstone. “Sorry, lady,” says the stone mason. “I inscribed “Rest in Peace” on your orders. I can’t change it now.” “Okay,” she replies grimly. “Just add, ‘Until We Meet Again.’”

Get There First

“I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: if it’s true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgement, I don’t want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.”