Singing Telegram

It was the morning of Ralph's birthday and there was a knock on the door. "Telegram!" Filled with excitement, Ralph opened the door and asked the messenger boy standing before him, "Is it a singing telegram?" "No Sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore," the messenger replied. "Oh, but I've always wanted to receive a singing telegram," a disappointed Ralph moaned. "Couldn't you just bend the rules a little and make an old man happy?" "I'm sorry, sir," replied the messenger. "Please," Ralph pleaded, "after all, today is my birthday." "Alright, sir, if you insist," the messenger said. "Dah-dah dah...dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead!".

Fourth Marriage

An eighty year old woman was getting married for the fourth time. A newspaper was interviewing her about her previous marriages. She said she got married the first time when she was twenty to a banker. Then, in her forties she married a three ring circus leader. Then she married a preacher. And now she's marring a funeral home director.  The lady replied, when I look back at my previous marriages, I see one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Staggering Wife

Q: What do you do when your wife is staggering?
A: Shoot her again.