The Pope vs. The Queen

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, "I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand. "The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that. "The Queen says, "Watch this." So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic. So the Pope is standing there thinking, "Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it." So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says, "I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head. "The Queen goes, "No way, it can't be done." So, the Pope headbutts her.

Catholic Light-Bulbs

Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer candles!

Little Catholic Kids Prays for a Car

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. "God," he prayed, "I really want a car."  Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.  "God," he prayed again, "I really NEED a car."  Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.  "Okay, God," he said, getting down onto his knees again, "if you ever want to see your mother again..."