Little Catholic Kids Prays for a Car

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. "God," he prayed, "I really want a car."  Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.  "God," he prayed again, "I really NEED a car."  Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.  "Okay, God," he said, getting down onto his knees again, "if you ever want to see your mother again..."

Show Him Your Cross

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, were traveling through Europe in their car, sight seeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"

All I Want For Christmas

About two weeks before Christmas, a little Catholic boy decided to write a letter to Santa. He started "Dear Santa...", he thought "No, I will go to a higher authority", so he decided to write a letter to Jesus. "Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas, I will be good for two weeks.." "NO NO NO NO I can't be good for two weeks," he thought to himself. So he started all over again..."Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas I will be good for one week." "NO NO NO NO I can't be good for one week," he thought to himself. So he quickly ran to the Study room and grabbed their statue of Mary, and quickly wrapped it up in a blanket. He started all over again. "Dear Jesus, I have your mother...if you ever want to see her again...get me a bike for Christmas!"