The Pearly Gates Computer

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch. He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue." He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So he does. Up pops a screen which reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your password and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields include "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food." The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit." Up pops another screen which reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the man clicks the button marked "Yes." A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling it out. Then he clicks the "Submit" button.Now he is faced with a screen reading, "We are sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable; please try again later." There is a button marked "Back." He clicks it. A new page appears. It reads, "Welcome to www.Purgatory.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue..."

Priest Swimming Lessons

A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest "Will I really sink if you take your finger out?"

God Is Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples!"