Must Wear a Black Condom

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little action and he goes up to the house owner and asks, "Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies you've got here?" "Sorry sir," the owner responds, "but, we're all full." "Aw, please I really need some poon tang!" And the owner answers, "Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom." "Whatever," the man answers quickly and races upstairs. A few hours later the man comes down and says ''WOW! Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom?" And the owner answers, "Respect for the dead."

Better Late Than Never

Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer's office one Monday morning. "I want you to begin divorce proceedings," she announced. The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said, "Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?" Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her throat and said, "We wanted to wait until all the children were dead."

OLD THINGS.

OLD WANTS never die, they become needs.
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time.
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind.
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down.
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever.
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged.
OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed.
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip.
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over.
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation.
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -- but their future is doubtful.