Sky Divers' Wishes

Three sky divers were diving but their parachutes were faulty and they all died. They went to heaven and there before those three men stood God. "Go down the slide and you will receive one wish. What you wish for is what you get at the end of the slide," boomed God's voice. The first man slid down and said, "SPORTS CAR," and sure enough there was a sports car. The second man went down and said, "MONEY," and he received money. The third man jumped down the slide and said, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The Rabbi's Advice

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice. He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do. The Rabbi says, "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do." The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what he has to do. Three months later the man and his family come back to see the Rabbi. The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, the wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice. The Rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune to him. The man replies: "Chapter 11".

Zombie Booty Call - Beautiful Body

If I said you had a beautiful body, would it be okay if I ate it?