Upside Down

Q: What do an apple and Benito Mussolini have in common?
A: They both belong hanging in trees.

Lady Di at Heavens Gates

Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: "Oh dear, what happened to you?" Di answers: "I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse." Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: "My God, you look terrible." Dodi replies: "This is nothing. Wait till you see my driver." Half an hour later some bones and flesh move slowly to the Gates, and St. Peter says: "So you're the driver?" "No, I'm Mother Theresa."

Asteroid Hits Earth

Top Advantages of An Asteroid Really Hitting Earth

• You'd be able to surf in South Dakota.
• Wouldn't have to hear that garbage Aerosmith song anymore.
• The one dinosaur on the planet (here's a clue..he's purple) would be extinct.
• We'd miss out on Tony Danza's or Jenny McCarthy's next sitcom.
• Puts a major damper on that Molly Hatchet/Judas Priest reunion tour.
• Pretty good chance that the Gorditas Dog from the Taco Bell commercials wouldn't survive.
• There'd be no more movies on the topic, that's for sure.