Must Pay

Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I'm coming to live with you." Mom replied, no no my daughter, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you.

Indulging in Habits

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they indulge in their bad habit one more time, they will die. Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, "I don't care if I die, I need a drink." The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead. Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, "If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead."

Does Work Kill

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? When's the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".